we’ll be ok

frustrating. baffling. pathetic. take your pick or mix it up and likely it’ll apply to my work, long distance relationship and hannah.

work. i work with some wonderful and capable people who inspire in so many ways. the leaders, another kettle of fish altogether. and when the organisation is helmed by a self-serving and manipulative person with a troop of fawning nincompoops, it’s no wonder i have witnessed more than 10 people walking out of those office doors in 11 months. i hope it would be my turn soon. in the meantime i trudge on, fulfilling what i am supposed to do and move on when it’s time.

a long distance relationship. at this very moment, i have no words. none. nada. zilch. sometimes all you can do is just smile, shrug and smoosh your dog because nothing makes sense.

which brings me to the love of my life. my hannah.

it’s been three years since i have adopted her. or did she adopt me? perhaps she did. my heart belongs to her in a way that nobody understands.

hannah is an enigma. hannah is such a healthy pup but she has this (#*$(@(#!*#*% skin issue that has driven me to the brink of madness. she has been put through skin scrapes (such a barbaric act – using a razor to scrap the skin to collect skin cells for test and needless to say it fucking hurts), injections, steroid oral and topical meds, food sensitivity tests, you name it, she’s done it. we’ve gone the holistic way too. changing her diet to raw food (which is awesome), topical use of coconut oil, organic soaps, Young Living essential oils, leaving the a/c on, baby detergent and the list is endless.

copious amount of tears shed, sighs sighed and God knows how long i haven’t bought anything for myself or manage to save as much because most of my money is spent on her medical fees and her well being. even if i never buy another pair of shoes, a vintage dress or furniture, the love in her eyes has made me richer and more fulfilled than money can buy. hannah is my child, i would not do anything less.

we have been on a quest for an answer since i can remember. vets, rumoured remedies, endless research. when you think there’s a glimmer of hope, rashes, sores and crazy itch will rear their crazy heads. the myriad of diagnosis range from logical to what the fuck, are you serious? the number of times i’ve spent sitting on the floor of vet consultation rooms with hannah and recounting her maddening condition in minute details usually leave me in tears, feeling like the worst pawrent on earth. mildly put, i felt like toilet scum because i really can’t find out why is my child suffering.

out of desperation, i decided to check out a recommended vet from hannah’s boyfriend’s pawrent. what? dogs need romance too.  turns out he’s italian and very humorous and also the person to deliver a diagnosis that we have never been presented before. mange. my child has mange, transmitted through her doggie mommy.

how.the.fuck.did.all.the.previous.vets.miss.it?!

so we are on a long journey of treating the offending condition that has caused so much suffering. weekly jabs for months and apparently the treatment may be as long as eight months. can anyone imagine being poked by needles on a weekly basis? and we’ve been told visible improvement wouldn’t be till Christmas or later. still  i am thankful. really thankful that at least now there is a possibility that hannah will be well. we have waited for so long for this.

this post took me three effing days to complete because work has all but drained the life out of me and i have blabbered right on. where was i trying to say? oh yes, it seems like it’s been raining on my parade for the longest time but i have learnt to enjoy the breeze that came with muddy puddles.

we’ll be ok. hannah and mama. we’ll be ok.

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